To Jade

Klin Cheng 

April, 1997 

I was right there at the campus tennis court 

When you were walking along a path in the near 

With a look that seemed so deep in your thought 

As that absorbed countenance was to me so dear 

My yearning for you suddenly turned very acute 

So I hastened to call you with good cheer 

Hoping to make you become aware of a heart 

That is helplessly amorous and utmost sincere 

But you still greeted me as an incurious pal 

Not knowing you were the one I most admired 

And to you only I would like to tell my tale 

By showing you things that are amusing and splendid 

I believed I can have your attention all the while 

So that I could submit a good will eternally desired 

At night your demure smile haunted my mind 

Making me constantly expect your deference 

If in those hours I was allowed to give you my hand 

To let you feel the warmth of my passionate inwardness 

And learn the desperate beat of my boiling blood 

There would be hopes for the ecstatic joy of oneness 

And all my thirsts would be instantly quenched 

Leaving you revel in the intimacy of my loving-kindness 

Yet you were too chaste and too virtuous for this 

－that made me too intimidated to ask you for a kiss 

In no case shall I act like those pleasure seekers 

Who loved to dally with Don Juan worshippers 

Neither should I play as a notorious and indecent sensualist 

Who indulged themselves in seducing girls innocent 

That’s why I always anticipated your amiable gaze 

And thought anxiously of you in my forlorn days 

－I feared by doing anything unwise or imprudent 

I shall be left out in the cold and forever be cursed 

For that kind of silly behavior will cost me the chance 

To engage in talks with you about anything decent 

And listen delightedly to the sweet and nice voice 

That comes slowly and gently from your soft lips 

But, since your jovial manner was so encouraging 

And your ivory skin so attractive and fascinating 

My infatuation with you was none the less quelled 

Even my longing for your company was not dimmed 

－It’s a spell from which I found no escape 

Because all my efforts to do so went without a hope  

I pitied myself greatly for being no longer youthful 

And not in a status to show I remain legally available 

If I were well in my prime or at a gorgeous age 

When I still had the capability and the privilege  

To commit myself to something terrific and sacred 

I would bravely bring any lady who held me enchanted 

To where we could answer to the impulse of our bosoms 

And resign ourselves to the alluring shine of our mutual eyes 

Yet, already, that’s something unlikely to take place 

I shouldn’t venture on any inconsequent romance 

Because if I wanted to see my love in her real charm 

And present the noblest part of me in serious calm 

I must all the way follow that firm-up resolution 

Otherwise I’ll again fall victim to my foolish passion 

Because of this my ardor became an unutterable secret 

－I knew the very betrayal of it would be an astonishment 

If I didn’t succeed in letting you know I meant not to hurt 

Or do anything that will make you embarrassed or upset 

Then I would fail in making me an honorable fatherly figure 

－the man you’ll turn to for any serious matter 

I hope by touting humanity I’ll be able to subdue my libido 

And produce a relationship that annihilates the animalist ego 

But I was simply an ordinary being instead of a sage 

How could I tell people I can play this role properly? 

After all it might fail me facing such daunted challenge 

Because the job I decided to take had to be done sublimely 

If I didn’t show the feat I would let my pursuit sound strange 

So I must deal with my emotional outbursts very carefully  

Therefore, despite the fact there was much I felt like to say 

I still had to zip my lip and wait patiently for the day 

When the things I envisioned were no longer a fancy 

And the fairy beauty I imagined would become a reality 

Because, before that, I can’t freely execute my purpose 

And say unabashedly to you I need all your graciousness 

To do justice to my piousness, and boost my endless efforts 

To craft something that truly demonstrates my merits 

Owing to this I became all the more reserved and silent 

－I hope through some ways I could make known my intent 

And give you a convincing and decisive message 

To assure you my devotion to you was subject to no change 

As long as such undertakings proved not to be a stupid thing 

And all my regards sent to you contain unworldly meaning